Fuck my life (FML)

[Emmie]

Don't worry blah, I think everyone's been in a situation when they don't get it. There's no shame.

[_Barbie_]

Golly gosh damn jeez! (with double "e"s this time :p )

I'll keep it R-rated because visuals.

A while back,I was 18,was a few months after my birthday and the guy I was with at the time couldn't be more happier (if you know what I mean)...a real pillar of anticipation, a flag raised high with a green light flaring. So we get to his place and all goes smooth (as smooth as it can be with peeling layers of clothes with the dexterity of Captain Hook meets an overanxious Sponge Bob (keeping it nautical). Needless to say, we bumped stuff accidentally more that we bumped...our souls in the wonderful union of bodies (yeah right ).

After a bit of rocking, key in the door, his mom was home 2 hours early. Panic! Go, hide! Where? Closet? Closet! What? Yes! So I ducked in the closet, curled up embryo mode on some clothes,knees to my chin. For the next aching hour I was delivered my clothes through the crack in the closet doors. Shivering each time his mom passed by and holding my breathe -as if? Then a break,his mom goes out again for groceries and I stumble out of there like I was just container-shipped seeking asylum. Managed to get dressed,duck out and shoo!

All ended well, a sigh of relief from the goosebump shivers of that panicky fear...except we couldn't find my panties until the next day when he brought'em back. Upside - he didn't keep them as a token, downside - I was wearing a skirt.

And we lived happily ever after a few weeks before we broke up lol.
The end.

[Cath]

Ok, this time it's more a slice of life rant.

You know, I always like to help people. So, when I was still living in at parent's house, we all had this kind of home duty, like watering the plants and such, and every time my mom get back from groceries, I go to her and ask her if I could help. She always says no, well, each time I ask her if I can help her, she says no. And guess what? One day, she came to me, in a bad mood (periods...) and she starts complaining about the fact that I never help her. Like, seriously? Every fucking time I ask to help her she says no!

Anyway, I will retell the tale of the cucumber since the thread where it was got deleted... Long story short, I was really horny, mom had bought a cucumber. Since I should have been alone for an hour or two, I decided to search about a "dildo" and I found this vegetable. I did my thing with it, then cleaned it up and put it back to the fridge.
The thing is that my mom who was making a soup of the said vegetable asked me if I saw my big sister who came home earlier. Of course, it was when I was exploring myself.

[Emmie]

Did you eat said soup then? Cath's vagina soup.

[Cath]

I said I cleaned it, it's not like it tasted like... Never mind... *shame*

[Cath]

Another FML because I remember a lot of my bad moments...

It's only natural to go the dentist, right? But let me tell you a tale where it turned bad, for me. So, I was in my dentist, doing the maintenance of my brace (still have it, it's almost 4 years now!) and it was in the middle of the week, like, in the middle of the day too! So, my brace was tightened and I went back to school... Little did I know that I had an oral test (not with a dick or a cunt!) and guess who didn't prepared a thing! Yup! It's me. And guess who had to take it? Yup! It's me! And I was the first one to take it, and it's like in the front of the class! What an embarrassment....

[Simple Tania]

OH FUCK MY LIFE!!! (not in an embarrassing way)

Today, 6 pm, I was driving my car when out of nowhere a guy lost the control of his car and comes directly at me! appealing to all my driver skills I managed to avoid him... but not completely, he bumped against the left back of my car which made the tire blow away... drift here, drift there, hand break, a spin... and I control it, parked and leave outside to check for the other car. The guy was trying to leave, I approach him and asked if he was alright... and I noticed blood on his arm! - "Are you alright? it's better to call 911 (112 in Portugal)" - "No need, I'm fine, that cut I had it already" - he said with a tremble voice and a smell... well, you know, right? He was completely drunk. The police comes I called my secure company, when I look back, the guy was standing next to me - "Hey, no need, I'M FINE, loooook..." - And he...he started to dance, showing he was alright...do I laugh? or do I cry? I guess both!
The firemen come, another police men, many people gather there just to watch, all men and me. And that's where I noticed I was wearing one of my shortest skirts with a top (it was a very hot day)... as result, a dance from the drunk that bumped my car and many...many looks and touch's... "Are you alright?" "Are you feeling fine?" "do you need anything?" "are you sure? if you feel dizzy or so, just let me know" - Calmly, to all of them, I said "Thanks dears"

[Cath]

I don't know why I want to laugh...

[Drek]

Some of my early FMLs was when i was 9 or something don't remember exactly.
I went home tipsty at midnight and there was always porn at midnight on one tv channel, everyone was sleeping I went in the living room and I turned on the tv and started to jerk. Beacouse i was tipsty i didn't hear my grandmas steps on the stairs coming down at the living room, when she opened the door i reacted swiftly and covered my self, but didn't had the time to change the channel on the tv and she said: what the hell are you watching, why are there naked woman with naked asses on the tv, i was like: grandma i was searching the tv to watch something and this appeared, she said: shame on you go to bed. I couldn't finish beacouse i was afraid that my grandma could tell my parents about that, but she didn't told them.

[Cath]

Wait, you were jacking when you were 9? Wtf? Children haven't even developed that kind of thing.