Describing a kid movie

[Cath]

Hello! Cath's here! 

I just had an idea after watching a video on YouTube. 

The idea is to describe a kids movie but make it sound like it's an adult movie. For example, let's take finding Nemo... it's the story of a father who saw his wife and baby children killed by the mobs, he raised the only child that survived, but this one has a malformation. One day, the child went  father meets a bipolar girl and manipulates her to find his child.

Have a try!

[-J-]

A princess held prisoner by a narcissistic despot because of body-shaming issues makes a daring escape. She attempts to survive the woods and a bounty hunter sworn to bring back her heart, but instead she is captured once again by seven little person miners, six of whom clearly have some sort of severe mental defect. She develops Stockholm syndrome and befriends her new captors, and it's possible the only thing keeping her alive is doing menial chores for them.

Meanwhile, the despot adopts a disguise and convinces the princess to eat an apple purported to grant wishes, taking advantage of the princess's completely sheltered existence. She falls comatose and is presumed deceased by the deranged little people. However, a prince -- no doubt an opportunistic pervert -- comes across her and kisses her without her consent. Although everyone believes the kiss brings her back to consciousness, it is equally possible that the clearing of her airway did the same thing. Supposedly they live happily ever after, but it's hard to see how that's possible with two clearly delusional nobles who in no way seem ready to run either of their kingdoms.

And...

In yet another tale of medieval neglect and the dangers of arranged marriages, an orphan is taken in by an heiress driven to bouts of depression and mania by seasonal affective disorder caused by her home. The orphan is put to work for the heiress and her two children with oppositional defiant disorder. What is commonly ignored is the fact that this orphan could have been driven into a life of prostitution or worse had it not been for the kindness of a stepmother the orphan called wicked. Truly this was a progressive woman as well, as she managed a household admirably and even owned a cat who attempted to protect his adopted home from mice that could potentially have spread plague.

All the orphan cares about is that she fails to attend a dance ball given by a prince whose prospects were so poor that even commoners were invited to save what must have been an impotent family line. But this stubborn orphan is approached by a drug peddler. She provides the orphan and a few pestilent mice with cocaine, the only reasonable way someone could fix an evening gown and get across town to the ball in no time at all. And it's here we find out why the prince is single: He has a massive foot fetish. He's so taken by the orphan and her feet that when she finally flees the party after the harshing of her buzz, he claims her stinky slipper and tries to fit it on every woman in the kingdom because he's that much of a fucking perv. The orphan's stepsisters are clearly into BDSM and foot play as well, as they fight to put on the slipper until the orphan claims it, even willing to humiliate themselves just for the opportunity to breed royal babies.

In the end, everyone is happy. The stepsisters wallow in filth for the amusement of horny villagers, the stepmother has one less mouth to feed, and all three of them are spared the horrible plague which claimed nobles and commoners alike. All thanks to their cat and his diligent slaughter of any plague-bearing rodents which came their way.

[Cath]

Oh boy do I like your stories!

[-J-]

Hero saves an entire nation from barbarian hordes twice with the help of cross-dressing commandos but is still mocked by its sexist people thanks to a self-serving, closeted patriarchy. She also experiences intense hallucinations in the form of a lizard claiming to be an ancestor.

[Cath]

I don't know that one...

[Diana]

(06-19-2017, 04:30 AM)JCF Wrote: Hero saves an entire nation from barbarian hordes twice with the help of cross-dressing commandos but is still mocked by its sexist people thanks to a self-serving, closeted patriarchy. She also experiences intense hallucinations in the form of a lizard claiming to be an ancestor.

isn't that Mulan?

[Cath]

Oh lord! How could I not guess that?!

[Diana]

let's try to explain it poorly...

A pre-WW1 nerd manages to get laid with an immortal hottie thanks to his degree in linguistics.

[-J-]

(06-20-2017, 08:58 AM)Diana Wrote:

(06-19-2017, 04:30 AM)JCF Wrote: Hero saves an entire nation from barbarian hordes twice with the help of cross-dressing commandos but is still mocked by its sexist people thanks to a self-serving, closeted patriarchy. She also experiences intense hallucinations in the form of a lizard claiming to be an ancestor.

isn't that Mulan?

(06-20-2017, 02:21 PM)Diana Wrote: let's try to explain it poorly...

A pre-WW1 nerd manages to get laid with an immortal hottie thanks to his degree in linguistics.

Could it be Atlantis: The Lost Empire? I haven't actually seen that one!

[Vrook]

(06-22-2017, 05:48 AM)JCF Wrote:

(06-20-2017, 08:58 AM)Diana Wrote:

(06-19-2017, 04:30 AM)JCF Wrote: Hero saves an entire nation from barbarian hordes twice with the help of cross-dressing commandos but is still mocked by its sexist people thanks to a self-serving, closeted patriarchy. She also experiences intense hallucinations in the form of a lizard claiming to be an ancestor.

isn't that Mulan?

(06-20-2017, 02:21 PM)Diana Wrote: let's try to explain it poorly...

A pre-WW1 nerd manages to get laid with an immortal hottie thanks to his degree in linguistics.

Could it be Atlantis: The Lost Empire? I haven't actually seen that one!

Indeed, Atlantiss it is. Actually, took me a while to figure it out. But was it pre WW times?

And well, let's see if I can come up with something related to this thread. 

A lonely and kind of a jerk guy, gets lost after being separated from his traveling companion. This leads to him ending up in a small desert town, where the citizens were living a slow and quiet life. After causing havoc from his first minutes in the city, he ends up in jail. The time spent working for the community, leads him in finding the true meaning of love, family, friendship and honor.