My Husband's dead chief! a tall glass of water dame walked in near hysteria. I'm Reid Bailley, private eye. I've seen it all
"He didn't leave a note or anything! I remember when Kurt Cobain offed himself, isn't it at least proper to leave a note?"
Cool your jets miss, I'll look into this i said. Is there any next of kin?
Yes, he has a brother, but he's a bit of a doofus. I'm not sure you'll get anything out of him.
Doc, my husband had balanitis." I had had a case of that in the 70s, wasn't very pretty, but i knew what she was talking about. "Did he off himself out of fear of being mocked? by me? by another woman?" Maam, i'm the best private eye in the bis. I'll get to the bottom of this.
Something was fishy about this one, and it wasn't the smell of her vagina either. I had to meet the brother asap.
I hopped on a trolley to an apartment downtown and interviewed Locke. He seemed a little nervous, but then again, most guys don't like talking about viagra.
To other guys.
"Suzie's someone you should check herself Dick! You see, Tom was a very mild mannered house husband. He had dreamed about a white picket fence life and growing up in the suburbs his whole life. Suzie had agreed to that lifestyle when they got married. But one night....
Tom didn't know what had gotten into her. Tom was well hung and never needed help. But Suzie wanted him to go the extra mile. I wasn't even that concerned myself, until she started to mix in other drugs. Tom fucked her for hours he later told me, his erectioon was nonstop. But this became a problem, in more ways than one. Tom got balanitis a day later. You know what that is Dick? "Well, a guy friend told me what it was Tom, so i know (I lied to make it seem like I wasn't taking sides)." "Sure, so Tom actually let it slide. But between you and me Mr. Bailley, Suzie wasn't satisfied! She must have been some sort of nymph in another life! She took a drug given to her by her Chinese neighbor. Never trusted that dude, but mainly because his ramen noodles had cheese added to them. Who adds cheese to ramen noodles? WHO?? "Stick to the story tom" i said reassuringly. Sure sure Mr. Bailley. So Suzie took this drug that enhanced her sense of touch. She didn't know how it would effect her. Rumor is they had great sex for about a week. Then, it happened. "What happened Tom"
"I"m embarrassed to tell Dick!"
"Tom, I told you i had balanitis in the 70s. Nothing can be worse than that"
"Well, you make a good point Mr. Bailley." Suzie fucked for a week but the drug seemed to go to her head. She wanted more and more sex. Tom begrudgingly took more viagra, even though he had already treated a case of Balanitis and was weary of getting it again. In a rare case of events, Tom decided to turn the tables on Suzie. She told me about it one night when she was drunk. "Tom knew i didn't like blowjobs, but he had been drinking, which was rare for him, and decided i might cool my jets if we tried something new. He actually was pretty good, i didn't gag or anything. But that f**king drug made his balls look like they were the size of Texas! Before i knew it, i shoved a letter opener into his jugular! Fortunately no one, no one will suspect I offed him. I"m a great person, aint i Tom? "Sure Suzie, (i said begrudgingly), You're a great person!"
....
Next morning, i have the handcuffs ready. The perpetrator was Suzie.
"So mr Dick, who did it? asked Suzie.....
"He didn't leave a note or anything! I remember when Kurt Cobain offed himself, isn't it at least proper to leave a note?"
Cool your jets miss, I'll look into this i said. Is there any next of kin?
Yes, he has a brother, but he's a bit of a doofus. I'm not sure you'll get anything out of him.
Doc, my husband had balanitis." I had had a case of that in the 70s, wasn't very pretty, but i knew what she was talking about. "Did he off himself out of fear of being mocked? by me? by another woman?" Maam, i'm the best private eye in the bis. I'll get to the bottom of this.
Something was fishy about this one, and it wasn't the smell of her vagina either. I had to meet the brother asap.
I hopped on a trolley to an apartment downtown and interviewed Locke. He seemed a little nervous, but then again, most guys don't like talking about viagra.
To other guys.
"Suzie's someone you should check herself Dick! You see, Tom was a very mild mannered house husband. He had dreamed about a white picket fence life and growing up in the suburbs his whole life. Suzie had agreed to that lifestyle when they got married. But one night....
Tom didn't know what had gotten into her. Tom was well hung and never needed help. But Suzie wanted him to go the extra mile. I wasn't even that concerned myself, until she started to mix in other drugs. Tom fucked her for hours he later told me, his erectioon was nonstop. But this became a problem, in more ways than one. Tom got balanitis a day later. You know what that is Dick? "Well, a guy friend told me what it was Tom, so i know (I lied to make it seem like I wasn't taking sides)." "Sure, so Tom actually let it slide. But between you and me Mr. Bailley, Suzie wasn't satisfied! She must have been some sort of nymph in another life! She took a drug given to her by her Chinese neighbor. Never trusted that dude, but mainly because his ramen noodles had cheese added to them. Who adds cheese to ramen noodles? WHO?? "Stick to the story tom" i said reassuringly. Sure sure Mr. Bailley. So Suzie took this drug that enhanced her sense of touch. She didn't know how it would effect her. Rumor is they had great sex for about a week. Then, it happened. "What happened Tom"
"I"m embarrassed to tell Dick!"
"Tom, I told you i had balanitis in the 70s. Nothing can be worse than that"
"Well, you make a good point Mr. Bailley." Suzie fucked for a week but the drug seemed to go to her head. She wanted more and more sex. Tom begrudgingly took more viagra, even though he had already treated a case of Balanitis and was weary of getting it again. In a rare case of events, Tom decided to turn the tables on Suzie. She told me about it one night when she was drunk. "Tom knew i didn't like blowjobs, but he had been drinking, which was rare for him, and decided i might cool my jets if we tried something new. He actually was pretty good, i didn't gag or anything. But that f**king drug made his balls look like they were the size of Texas! Before i knew it, i shoved a letter opener into his jugular! Fortunately no one, no one will suspect I offed him. I"m a great person, aint i Tom? "Sure Suzie, (i said begrudgingly), You're a great person!"
....
Next morning, i have the handcuffs ready. The perpetrator was Suzie.
"So mr Dick, who did it? asked Suzie.....
Sex is Comedy of the highest art