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+--- Thread: I don't want to sink (/showthread.php?tid=1157)
I don't want to sink - Kyrios - 06-21-2016
It's a while since I had anyone real,
To hold me and comfort me in the night,
To caress me, kiss me and give delight,
It's a while since I was able to feel,
So I let it go and I fell to sleep,
I sealed myself up as though in a keep.
I've woken up now and I can't help but think,
That wonders await or that I will sink.
There's still no one here to hold onto me,
I don't know how to look or search for more,
I'm determined not to again close that door,
Afraid and hopeful I guess we shall see,
If there's anyone out there who could care,
One I want who also wants to be there.
I've woken up now and I can't help but think,
That wonders await or that I will sink.
RE: I don't want to sink - Lexirific - 06-21-2016
*gives a lollipop*
RE: I don't want to sink - Cuylie - 06-22-2016
There are some powerful rhyming couplets in this poem. For me it is lines 1 and 4 in Stanza 1 and lines 2 and 3 in Stanza 3.
RE: I don't want to sink - Kyrios - 06-22-2016
I'm kind of trying to develop a new poetic style, riffing off the bop with some additions from elsewhere. So whilst this is technically freeform, it follows a set of rules I'm working on. The 1 4 couplet is core to holding it together, so glad you spotted it. It should be the strongest couplet in each stanza so I still need to work on my word choice I see
